How it happened

I interned at a small hospital in Kentucky called Bellefonte and later become employed by them as a dietitian. I had just crossed the 1 year mark at my first full time job…. It was a regular day just like any other. Suddenly I hear talk of people being let go and I witnessed several people crying. There was a heavy weight in the atmosphere that day that is hard to explain. As the calls would come in, “please report to HR,” there was no confusion as to what that meant.

I texted my family early that morning to pray for those being let go because many had large families and kids in college. I was so concerned for these people, some I felt I had known so long. It even made it on the news.

I was sitting at my desk, putting in notes on the many patients I had already seen and a phone call came in from an extension I did not know. My stomach immediately sank as I heard “Casey, please report to HR, 4th floor…immediately.” My heart was pumping out of my chest (it kind of is right now due to reliving those feelings as I type this). I texted my family and said “they just called me, I think I am losing my job.” I immediately called my manager, literally within 1 second of hanging up with HR (she is like a mom to me). The whole ride over, during and after I was just trying not to burst into tears. Especially seeing all the security guards lining the inside of the building. I felt so blind sided and felt I had no chance to thank every person who helped me……there were so many things going through my mind. I was just plain sad. I was scared. These were some of my thoughts…

• What are Eric and I going to do
• What about health insurance
• We have rent. Eric is in school
• We will have no money
• We will have to use our savings
• What are my co-workers going to do? There is so much work for them to take on…
• I’m scared to start a new job
• I’m scared to leave this place that I love
• I’m going to miss so many people
• What is God doing in my life
• What am I going to do
• What am I going to do….

After the inevitable, being told “your position has been terminated,” I went to the unit where I most frequently worked and said goodbye\thank you to many people there. They gave me a big group hug. I miss them all so much! Saying bye and thank you to co-workers was one of the hardest things I ever did. Many I did not get to say anything to…..The next morning I came back to get all my stuff (I had a lot) and turning my key in and pulling away that Thursday afternoon was a feeling I will never forget. I felt accomplished like I had done so much, thankful that I did nothing to cause losing my job and sadness that I would likely never work there again. I had my wedding reception in a Bellefonte building across the way from the hospital…MY WEDDING! So many memories I felt like I was saying “see ya later too.”

How I’ve been

At first it did not feel real. I kept thinking I was on vacation and going to return. I initially took 2 days to relax and kind of restore from everything I went through. I think I cried 2 gallons of tears just from having to tell so many people. Every time I talk about it the feelings come rushing back. I am not going to lie and say it wasn’t nice not having to get up and go go go. But, then the worry and pressure started to set in. .

So many loved ones and friends asking if I had found jobs yet, have you applied yet, have you signed up for this yet, have you looked at this yet? It was so overwhelming. When I got my first job, it was so easy because they already knew me. I was even in the system already. This time, I am starting OVER. I joined linked in, did countless hours of research and found a job that interested me.

I have been getting through this time with the help of my almost daily quiet times, talking to Jesus, loved ones constantly supporting me and reminding me of my worth. BUT I would be lying if I said I did not have some dark days. Right now I feel hopeful and I know God is taking care of me. I pray for him to use me so I need to be willing to listen for his opportunities. Sounds so easy, but it is actually terrifying to be living that right now.

The job search

Only recently (within the past week) A LOT has changed! I was fortunate enough to start working @ The Hip Eagle, a local clothing boutique owned by a close friend. I reached out to them after I was let go and they happened to have a possible opening in January. Through what I can only attribute to the Lord above, I have started working there and I AM IN HEAVEN! Talking fashion, photos, online shopping and talking with people are some of the things I get to do. I feel so fortunate.

I just completed my second interview for a position at a local hospital. I was so nervous going into the first interview because I had no idea what to except and it went great? The morning of my second interview, I woke up and felt for some reason that I needed to clean my whole house….I was in the thick of organizing and my “you have to get ready for your interview now” alarm went off. It was ~12:20 pm. My interview was at 2:00, wanted to leave by 1:15pm. I had 1 cup of coffee that morning at 8:00 am and apparently wanted to starve myself. I am so bad about doing this when I get into projects!!! (so not good, especially for a dietitian :D) I was rushing to eat something, shower and get out the door.

Our trash had not been picked up the week before, and it was trash day so we had a lot stacked out in front of our garage. Well, it was so windy that E had to put the trash under the car port. I was walking out the door and he said “take my car.” (my car needs a fused changed, right now I have no radio). I was excited to take his care so I could listen to K-love radio on the way. I grabbed the keys and ran out the door. I remember hearing “It’s a tight fit with the trash in the way, be careful.”

I really dodged the trash well, but not so much the white pole holding up the far corner of the car port. I heard a big scrape and then pulled back up and heard another big scrape. Next thing I know, Eric comes out of the house, freaks out a tad. I felt so bad, there were big white scratches down the side right over the tire. I was almost in tears (lets be real, I cried) because I really felt so bad. I did the one thing he said not to do. For those of you who know me and have seen my car, you are probably getting a big kick out of this. I also get on E a lot and tell him that I am a better driver and that he can’t drive……but that is a story for another day..(:

I jumped in my car and left for my interview……When I get home E and I laughed so hard about how it all happened. He was not upset at all. The second interview, I feel, went really well. And honestly I am just waiting to see what God is going to do and putting myself out there for the possibilities.

What I learned/am still learning

Following God’s plan for your life is not always what you had in mind. I NEVER had in mind to lose my job. I have just now (~2 months post job loss) been able to see how God is showing me a little of what I think he has planned for me. Honestly, the biggest lesson I have learned is to:

BE CONFIDENT THAT GOD DOES HAVE A PLAN! ENJOY WHERE YOU ARE AND HE WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY.

I am scared. I don’t know what to expect. Really I am terrified to figure out: will I get the job I interviewed for? What if I don’t get the job? I need to keep looking for jobs. I need to apply for this job. I need to call this person. What will my schedule look like with a full time job and the hip eagle? I need to look at the budget….blah, blah, blah. All of those thoughts, and things I tell myself that are not healthy because I say them in a way that makes me feel like I am not good enough. When I start having too many of these, I talk to God and listen for him.

I have been too self absorbed in my own problems lately and I need to worry less and think about others more. Missed opportunities to help others. I don’t want to miss anymore. I don’t want to miss the present.

And without my friends and family checking on me and encouraging me I would not be where I am. I feel so fortunate. This is really long, so that is all I will say for now, but will keep updating what is going on with me. Thanks for reading 🙂

Love, Case